Very early sneak peek

From Cinder, still very much in early 1st draft (this is from the second scene, and it was only written about an hour ago):

Outside, vast energies swirled, sending translucent streamers of pale light shivering over the crystal of the great window. Through them, she could see stars, shivering and sparkling through the bow-wake of the shielding. One red star, at the window’s center, showed a broad disc, even at this distance. Sol, then. She watched it, bringing up filters in the crystal window to examine it without squinting or leaking more brine from her eyes.

After a dozen minutes or so she saw a tiny shadow right at Sol’s center.

“Is that Earth?” she said, touching the shadow.

»Yes, the ship sent on her private channel. »Please, I must concentrate.

She nodded. The ship was far too polite to ignore her, or to outright tell her to shut up.

The shadow swelled: a dot, a disc, a planet. A rocky black sphere, large enough to blot out the sun, and still they approached. She almost asked the ship why they approached in shadow, but realized that would tax the environment systems less.

“She” is Lady Schrone, who is new to a human body (hence the bit about brine).

I really want this story to work; I find the idea interesting, and I’m trying to develop enough points of view and storylines to go the distance. Let me know what you think.