13 things I learned from books

But which books? See if you can guess… (Hint: They’re mostly SF.)

  1. The road to Hell is paved with frozen door-to-door salesmen, and no one knows why.
  2. Forcing grunts to swear at their superior officers is a stupid way to build morale.
  3. If everything is infinitely improbable, then everything is equally probable.
  4. If the Fast Burn is itself transcendent, and unhappy with the direction of the channedring, it may attempt to hide the jumpoff birthinghel. Also: Hexapodia is the key insight.
  5. Grey-green alien skin requires a lot of soap.
  6. Even missing the index and middle fingers of his right hand, Roland is a hell of a shot.
  7. Give praise to the day at evening, to a blade when tried, and to ice when over it.
  8. “Anathema” looks like a girl’s name if you’ve never read a dictionary.
  9. If your full name has twelve words in it, most people will forgive you if you go by “Phaethon”.
  10. If your full name is “Hiro Protagonist”, you can bet your parents had some kind of weird relationship.
  11. One does not outrun a substance that explodes at 15,000 feet per second. Also, if you’re counting on the police to save you, best not to antagonize them while you’re sitting on a bomb.
  12. “Chuck” and “toss” are perfectly valid instructions in a cookbook.
  13. No matter how interesting the many-universes-bridged-by-jump-gates premise may be, I can only read a book with that many near-rape scenes once. And it was a rough slog at that.

These are all off the top of my head, by the way. And yes, some are repeats.