A couple of brief notes

To: The local rock radio sta­tion

Hi guys,

Ok, I think it’s offi­cial now. I’ve heard “The Black Parade” often enough for one life­time. Time for you to find anoth­er song to over­play till I auto­mat­i­cal­ly switch sta­tions on hear­ing its first few bars.


To: The great toe on my right foot

Look, it’s been, what, three years since I broke your neigh­bour doing judo? I mean, for cryin’ out loud, once he healed up, I nev­er heard anoth­er peep out of him. You weren’t even broken—just jammed back a bit. I think it’s time you stopped get­ting it in your mind (what­ev­er a toe has that pass­es for a mind, that is) to cause me pain.

Seri­ous­ly. How long are you gonna keep this up, any­way? What? The rest of my life. Not cool, man. Not remote­ly cool.


To: self

Ok, it’s time to write a few more chap­ters in Every­thing that nev­er hap­pened. By the time Thurs­day rolls around, I’d like us to be at Chap­ter 24, please. If not fur­ther along than that, even.

That means no Star Wars Lego till you’ve got anoth­er thou­sand words tomor­row night, bucko. Trust me. I’m doing this for your own good.

Don’t you give me that look, Patrick.