The Great Black Hole Caper

The disaster ate Europe, from Paris to Helsinki, stretched the British Isles like warm taffy, but thank God, a team of boffins somewhere in Reunified Korea did up the maths and developed the prototypes and found a way to freeze the black hole as it sank. I’m not clear on how they did it, something to do with magnetrons and directed plasma streams and resonant gravitonic excitation. See, I know the big words, but you might as well tell me it was done by young women dancing naked in an ash grove at midnight under the full moon.

Actually, I’d pay to see that. Gravitonic excitation sounds a little drab next to pert young—

Sorry, got sidetracked. Happens more and more as I get older.

So yeah, you asked about the Great Black Hole Caper, did you? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but there wasn’t really a caper per se. More of a colossal clusterfu—uh, sorry, can’t say words like that on the telly, can you now?

Oh, you can? Well, at any rate.

See, it all started at CERN …