13 things I have never read or seen

EDMONTON—Everytime I say “I’ve never seen Big Trouble in Little China” I get an astonished gasp from my brother-in-law or from my friend the Space Cowboy. I tell people I’ve never read Lord of the Rings* or The Hobbit and they give me that sideways look like a quizzical dog, as if to say “How do you live?”

So here’s a list of things I’ve not read or seen. Things that may surprise you. Or may not.

  1. Solaris–neither the book by Stanislaw Lem, nor either of the film versions.
  2. Gladiator, the film by Ridley Scott.
  3. Titanic, the endless movie by James Cameron.
  4. Any of Isaac Asimov’s Foundation novels.
  5. Any of Isaac Asimov’s novels, in fact. I’ve read some of his short fiction, but I just couldn’t get into the novels, no matter how hard I tried.
  6. Deep Impact. I saw the other disaster movie that year, Armageddon, and thought, Meh.
  7. Robert A. Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land, though I know what “grok” means.
  8. Eragon, and I have no intentions of reading it either. Or seeing the movie.
  9. Cowboy Bebop or most anime. For whatever reason, anime doesn’t turn my crank, although some people seem to assume it should.
  10. Seven Samurai or in fact any of Kurosawa’s corpus. This I intend to remedy.
  11. Any Shakespeare short of a couple sonnets and Macbeth. This too needs to be remedied.
  12. Any of the egregious Dune prequels. IMHO, they should’ve just published Frank Herbert’s notes and called it a day.
  13. The Stand mini-series, something which I still hope to see sometime.

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* Not strictly true; I started, but around the middle of the second book, I realized that I was reading a highly-detailed travelogue, where I had been expecting an action epic.

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