"Truth" in advertising

Last night I saw an ad for Eragon, which ran a bit like this:

“The critics are in agreement! [praise for Eragon]! [praise for Eragon]! Now playing!”

I couldn’t help but notice that they had all of two quotes praising the film, so I decided I’d do my own research. I went to that clearinghouse of critical opinion, rottentomatoes.com. Regarding Eragon: The film had a 12% rating. (Hmmm. Overnight it’s climbed to 13%.) This means that 13% of the critics weighing in on the film had a high opinion of the movie, and 87%, well, didn’t.

The critics are in agreement, but I don’t think that’s the kind of message that puts buttocks in theatre seats.

OK, now I think I might be getting into the Christmas mood

Self-portrait in glass ball

As I took this photo, my favourite Christmas song was playing on my CD player:

Ça bergers
Ça bergers, assemblons-nous
Allons voir le Messie
Cherchons cet enfant si doux
Dans les bras de Marie
Je l’entends, il nous appelle tous
Ô sort digne d’envie

Laissons là tout le troupeau
Qu’il erre à l’aventure
Que sans nous sur ce coteau
Il cherche sa pâture
Allons voir dans un petit berceau
L’auteur de la nature

Dieu naîssant, exauce-nous
Dissipe nos alarmes
Nous tombons à tes genoux
Nous les baignons d’nos larmes
Hâtes-toi de nous donner à tous
La paix et tous ses charmes

If there’s a great clamour for a translation, I’ll post one.

Apparently the song dates from the very early 18th century: “Les paroles de ce chant furent composées par Simon-Joseph Pellegrin (1663-1745) et publiées pour la première fois à Paris en 1701.” (per this page)

Flickrblogging — 9684


IMG_9684
Discovered in carolynhack‘s Flickr photostream.

Ladies, Gentlemen, I present to you the cover art for my newest how-to guide, “Making a Cyborg on $6 a day”. This one is an illustration from the “Optical ‘Enhancement’” section. You’ll note the quote marks around the word “Enhancement”; my lawyers, God bless their black little souls, suggested that, in the interest of avoiding lawsuits, I use little so-called “irony quotes” around certain terms.

Please note also that there is a substantial addendum to the book, and that the major update to the “Optical ‘Enhancement’” section points out that, due to the $6 nature of the “Infrared” Eye “Augmentation” “Device”, you can’t actually set fires with your new-found “heat” vision. Or perhaps that should be “vision”.

* * *

Random Flickrblogging Explained
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Writin'

Tonight it went well. I’m getting numb-bum from sitting in the office chair, but I got clear of 1200 words in an hour and a bit. I’m working on the story of a woman trying to broker a peace treaty among the far-flung descendants of the human race, on an Earth lit by a red giant sun, two and a half billion years in the future.

There was a moment when I feared I might have to scrap the whole story, but then I was listening to a song by Corb Lund and this line gave me some inspiration:

half heard voices from the ghosts, from the graves
grandfathers tell us at the mouths of the caves

Can’t tell you yet how it’ll all end, but here’s a scene that I did tonight:

The black plain had been called Panthalassa, and it had been called the Pacific Ocean, and the Broad Sea, and the Grey Swamps, and any number of other names, names recorded or lost to history’s sweeping indifference. Now it was a desert of black glass, a shifting surface layer of fine dark sand blowing across a deep bedrock layer that had been baked for a billion years by a swollen, murdered sun.

Overnight someone had planted a garden. It had to have been one of the AIs, or one of the robots, and they probably had used time shapers, something Lady Schrone was certain she’d marked down as proscribed. But it was hard to be angry, because the garden was beautiful: flowers, flowers of all descriptions, radiating away from a central point like the spokes of a great wheel, and at the wheel’s center, a tree reached for the heavens. Leaves the size of her body unfurled themselves at the tree’s top, nearly twenty meters from the ground. They were sharp and green against the blue of the sky.

The garden was a perfumery, a green oasis in the glittering black desert, and Lady Schrone was ill inclined to hunt down and punish the mechanism or mechanisms that had given it birth.

I almost don’t want to quit writing, but it’s getting toward bedtime, and I have company, and I’ve discovered that the best place to quit is right before I write something that I’ve been waiting to write for a while. That way, I’m eager to go the next time I sit down to write, and the scene has time to percolate and distill and it tends to come out even better that way.

Usually, anyways.

So: written anything good lately?

Coaching

Years ago–around 2000, I think–I took a coaching course at the urging of my judo sensei, Silvio. He actually team-taught the course with a member of the Phys Ed faculty at the University. We’ll call her Nancy.

The course I took was Level I Theory, which should have been followed by Level I Technical and Level I Practical, which would have seen me certified as a Level I coach. But things being what they are, that never happened. We lobbied a few times to have someone come out to Brandon to do the Tech and Practical sessions, since there were a number of us that were in the same boat, but sometimes it feels like if you live outside of Winnipeg, you might as well live on the Moon. It’s a two-hour drive on divided highway, but for some reason it’s hard to get a lot of people to drive beyond the Perimeter.

Anyways.

In the interim, the Theory component was overhauled, and now Level I and II Theory are named Intro to Competition A and B. There was sufficient change in the curriculum to warrant re-taking A, and so I did that in October. I learned a fair amount, and it was a good course. The manual is excellent, as well.

A couple weekends ago I took Intro B, and picked up a great deal more. There are a lot of things that Silvio used to do (sadly, he’s since passed on) that are suddenly made clear to me. For instance–and this is only one example of many–when he would teach a new technique, he would always explain it aloud, start to finish, then demonstrate it, and finally have each of us try it a few times. (Then he’d hit us with the “Good! Now do it ten thousand more times and you’ll have it perfect!” Which was usually pretty close to accurate; the throws that I’ve done ten thousand times come more from reflex than from conscious thought now.) The reason for this, I learned, is that there are, broadly speaking, three kinds of learners: auditory learners, who learn best from having something explained; visual learners, who learn from seeing something demonstrated; and tactile learners, who learn from doing something. Everyone’s kind of a combination of the three, but everyone also has a dominant style. Apparently mine is auditory. But Silvio’s method of teaching a new technique catered to all three types, and did so in a natural progression.

Something else I learned from Intro B was that if you’re doing a handstand, you shouldn’t tuck your chin, or it turns into a kind of a flailing somersault. Onto concrete. But I was fine, thanks for asking.